It's been a while since I posted something of my own thought process and overwhelmingly awesome skills at analysis. But now I'm back with a vengeance! So let's get started on this here gravy train.

First of all, I would like to thank my internet provider for a stunning roll-out-the-red -carpet awesome. Secondly, I would like to NOT thank she-who-must-not-be-named for riding my rump from here to kingdom come about me posting up something worth reading in the past 3 months because I was busy with other affairs and other games and other... things. All in all, I need something to jumpstart my noodle noggin, and I figures that I might start off with something that is close to my heart and soul and mind and body and my feet.

Because I stand on its soil. That's right, the country of A-merry-cup. Well, actually that's one of my coffee mugs (tea mug really, I don't drink coffee) because I drew a smiley face on it. In any case! I'm here to ease everyone's fears about something very very pending and am here to propose a solution to ALL of our economic woes here in the states. That goes for our European brethren as well, because when America catches a cold, Europe catches pneumonia. (Shout out to Ethy while I'm at it. [Further shout-out: LOOK MA! I'M ON TV!!] )

So here it is, my thesis:
All you kids and your hippin' and your hoppin... PULL YOUR DAMN PANTS UP, YA MORON!!

I have come to the conclusion that the fashion industry is in cahoots with the bankers who then buy the politicians that we elect. Go figure. All them young people out there looooooooooove wearing those tight fitting jeans that ride the rump. You've seen them, I've seen them. Them young gals just buy up the hooker wardrobe that the fashion industry picks out for them. With the pantline decreasing every year above the naughty bits, women want to keep up with the Joneses to the point when they bend over, guys across the entire room see a face full of crack that isn't enough to snuff up. Most crack they can get to have for free! Yay!


This "What is Up my Homie G Dog Yo" culture had spawned out from the eighties, but has been in cultivation since the hippie years (Whoop-dee-freaking-doo)! And ever since those days, the pant-line has been in slow decline, and what is it that actually sagged along with the ever increasing boxer show-offage? The dollar! The dollar's value has been vastly deflated since those days.

Dollar Value in 1968: $1.00
Same amount today: $6.19

And what do people do these days? Hold their crotch like Michael Jackson to keep their from falling off their thighs. Playing with themselves. It looks ridiculous! And them younglings find this attractive? Grammy! Get my cane, some youngin's need a whoopin'. I see guys waddling down in front of me like I'm being hypnotized by Sigmund Freud with his pocket watch when looking at someone's head. It's ludicrous. I want to burst out laughing, but I don't because I'm embarrassed. Few things should be allowed to waddle like that: ducks, penguins, and pregnant women. Aaaaaaaaaaaand the occasional morbidly obese athlete.

In recent years, it seems as if the inflation rate is unbelievable, and it is directly connected to the pant lines because the lower the pants are, the greater the inflation as well as the problems that plague us all. Look around with all this "Bling Bling" durka durka nonsense! Russia goes and invades Georgia, not the state mind thee, but the little scrap of land they call a country; Durkadurkastan and all the other guys named Stan want Isreal and America off the face of the planet. These guys named Stan don't like the fact that the Joneses show off their undies at every given moment. They want them covered.
Stan won't stand for such weirdness.
"Curse you, Fruit of the Loom!" -- Osama bin Laden
...Him too.

Now we have two guys running for President-

The majority of the population who likes to have their pantlines low supports Barrack H. Obama (His abbreviations for his first and last name is BO).

And the other (John "What's his name" McCain) likes to shake his butt on national television (See Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart), thus provoking every guy named Stan on the planet.




If this is is the best and the brightest that we could come up with, we're screwed.
Is there ANYONE who would address this problem adequetely!?